Thursday, August 30, 2012

When we last left our heroes...

I suppose to appreciate the continuation of Tuesday's post, you need a bit of back story.

Em has wanted a glider chair (it's like a rocker and a la-z-boy had a baby) ever since finding out she was pregnant.  They are amazingly comfortable and there are an unbelievable number of variations on the theme.  She's sat in more than she can probably count and finally found the perfect one at the big box store.

Sadly, the color was heinous, so she continued the search.  

After several weeks of hunting, she still liked the one at the original store.  It was not too big and not too small, not too hard and not too soft and there were no bears sitting in it.

Anyone else notice how dapper Papa Bear dresses?

So, when we registered we figured we could ask about different fabric options.  Unfortunately, when we got to the furniture desk and found it unmanned, we figured it wasn't worth the extra headache of trying to sit down with someone to hash it out after having wandered around the store for so long.  

If you have never been around a pregnant woman for an extended period of time, here's a pro-tip: Don't keep them waiting.  Think about how unpleasant it would be if, at random, someone continually kicked you in the bladder.  And punched you in the stomach.  From the inside.  While you were always hungry, but your stomach is upset and you are slightly nauseous.

Yes, doesn't the joy of pregnancy just seem all the more magical?

Add to this fact that it is summer, horrifically hot and humid, we're back in the same store we spent the better part of two and a half hours in the day before, and you can begin to get a sense of the frame of mind we were in returning to the furniture department.  To register for a single item.  One.  Lousy.  Chair.  
Like heaven for your butt.
When we got home after the first excursion, we were under the impression, based on the info from Geoff, that the chair pictured above could be custom ordered online.  When we got online, the only version of the chair you could find online was the ugly one already in the store.

Not wanting to take the trip and risk another Geoff encounter, I tried calling another location of the same store.  Maybe the help would be a bit more competent at this one, or at the very least, not make me want to run screaming into oncoming traffic.

But no -- this location didn't have any fabric swatches.  If you wanted to see fabric swatches, you had to go to another location.

And the only other location local to us was...yes, you guessed it...the one where Geoff works.

Geoff 2: When Gliders Attack
We approached the furniture counter and were hanging around looking for help when Geoff began to approach.  I was beginning to think that Geoff was the only employee who worked at the location.  As I prepared myself for the inevitable onslaught of misinformation, a small miracle occurred!  Geoff was intercepted by another couple and we would have to find another person to help us.

When I pressed the buzzer for help, you can imagine my surprise was when another employee came over to help.  And this guy was the manager!  Sweet!  At last, someone who knew what he was talking about and would not make us feel like idiots for failing to have every aspect of our unborn child's next 18 years fully mapped out.

The manager was an older gentleman, with white hair and a nice smile.  He was exceptionally pleasant and kind of reminded me of this guy:
Bleep Van Bleep

And really, who could be mad at Dick Van Dyke?

You'd be surprised.  Especially when Dick Van Dyke's doppelganger has the patience of a member of the Spanish Inquisition.

Bet you weren't expecting that.
Every version of the chair Em pointed at would be keyed into the computer by evil-Dick-Van-Dyke and then he'd turn to us and say, "sorry, but that version has been discontinued."  This happened 12 times.  Out of 24 fabric swatches.  I then offered up that it might be a good idea if he could tell us which swatches were in stock and we could just pick from them.

But he didn't think that was terribly efficient.  So we played the swatch game for a few more minutes.  We'd pick it out and he'd tell us it was unavailable.

I was about to go play in traffic when Em noticed that the image of the chair above the swatches we were looking at didn't match the chair she had pointed to in the first place.  Please keep in mind, this is 45 minutes after sitting down with evil-Dick-Van-Dyke.

And then Evil-D.-V.-D. realized we were looking at the wrong chair altogether.

Finally, after much gnashing of teeth and beating of chest, it was done.  The chair was on the registry.  And our registry was complete.  Mission accomplished.

Geoff didn't even say goodbye as we passed him on the way out.

Oh, and from the "you can't make this s#!t up department"-- 

When I went to the store's website just now to get the picture of the chair that caused this much agita , they actually have all the different versions of the chair on their website: ALL THE NEWCO GLIDERS


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